Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts

20.4.10

Nothing Personal

So in time I've come to realize that when a male and a female don't establish from the get go the
premise of the relationship beforehand, it can get complicated, and confusing.
If for instance in the case of a female, when she has no relative interest in the male as far as just
being friends, yet it wasn't interpreted by the male that way, then it can come off as the first stages of a romantic relationship. The male can take it out of context and see it for something its not.
But whose to blame?
Nobody, or both sides?
The signs male and females send can be as clear as day for the individual relaying them, but candlelit to the person reciving. I'm talking about the labels we don't give relationships in the beginning.
In my experience it has occured more often than not, that what really isn't there, can be confused for just that, because acts of kindness, genuine interest, and fondness are misinterpreted for more than what they are
I guess unless you have grown up with that person, thats incomprehendable.
I had to take a step back and see for myself that I was at fault for not being tactful in the beginning stages of getting to know someone, and having that person thinking otherwise.
And its a sad feeling when the one who is let down is someone you care about.
But again, whose to blame? Nobody really. You can't say it isn't a sticky situation when that person vebalizes his/her interest for you, and you don't share the same feelings. It hurts, and if you say it doesn't, "you lying :\"
Especially when you have the understanding that "we're just friends"and interpreting actions to be understood as mutual feelings, then the bomb gets dropped.
When trying to establish a bond for years to come, that support system that so many of us are missing, friendships can become jeopardized if both parties aren't on the same page.
No one enjoys rejection, and its even worse when the rejector was unaware of the feelings the rejectee had, on top of that person being someone special.
When every things said and done, do those feelings ever go away, or are they laying in wait ?
The friendship that emerges out of mutual understanding, and growing to care for each other do those feelings take shape once more within the person?
Platonic male and female relationships are never really free from physical desire, because human nature will one day have you thinking about what that person looks like naked, or what it would be like to be with them.
Even if only for a fleeting second, these thoughts aren't wrong, its just natural.
It seems like as I'm getting older ,and becoming a woman, the relationship vernacular between friends and I will have to change, and affection and admiration will either be seen as 'one love' or 'hot sex on a platter'
If there aren't any boundaries, and for lack of a better word, 'labels' to established roles in friendships, can things that go unsaid cause damage that cannot be undone?
Communication is key, and I have to get Bilingual in my case. Both verbal and physical.
Actions speak louder than words, but words get to the point.

13.10.09

11.5.09

"...Problem with these other niggas they aint never real."

....
mood: PISSED!!!

location: BEDROOM

music on: Drake - So Far Gone


WTFFFFFF Man
I swear to God why are you so damn dense?????

We've been friends since what? I was a Sophomore and you a Senior
and you still don't fucking get it.


Yes that is what I was thinking after having an hour long argument with a long time friend.
At first it started out with a back and forth disagreement with Eminem's new album Relapse.

My view: The Album is Trashtastic.. it has no emotional content and it doesn't do a thing for its fans other than "smoove lyrical content"

His view: Its "Slim Shady...Eminems relapse back into his Slim Shady Days."

We were literally going back and forth about the topic for a good hour and change.

AS you know if you are arguing and you are really passionate it stems from deeper feelings.

I'm trying to explain that its not good because he's been gone for like 5 years and he comes back with this nonsense. He doens't give any kind of outlet or window for us the fans to see what has been up.
Just some bullshit bout 3am SMH


He's cold and no emotion. and Thats how I've been feeling about one of my closets friends.

He is supposed to be a good friend of mine but I can't help feeling as if the boy is afraid to push boundaries. Come out of his safe zone and try something new.

I didn't think I could become this pissed off at a person for being so damn timid.

It boils me , gets under my skin, annoys me.
If you can't get angry or tell me how your feeling, or let me know "Hey..that was a real fucked up thing you did"... Then

I really see no point in a friendship that only I am working towards.

Im trying to explain the point of him exploring his feelings.
His excuse is..

Thats how I am..

Thats how u are?

Thats whats gonna end up having you alone and lonely.
smh

Its sad to think that I seemed to be the crazy one while we were talking.
Like he really didnt see where I was coming from.
and it pissed me off

TA RAHTED!!!!
ugh. I was about to toss the damn macbook through the window.

{gladly I do have a brain.}

But when the conversation ended I had time to reflect.

I KNOW I KNOW
its a long ass post. But I'd appreciate it you would at least skim it. LOL

I just needed to vent it. ...ugh

I feel better.

Time for cake. and an episode of
DollHouse.

peaces...!!!!!

9.5.09

Granma Got WiFi

I came up here to Mt. Burnin to visit my Grandmother.
Havent been to her apartment since her birthday in June.
& I've been saying I was gonna come spend time with her for a minute now.
SO Im finally here

YAAY!.

I got lost.

and rode the good ol' bus with alot of old people.
YUM!

..Being with her brings back nostalgic feelings.
She always always ALWAYS has her place in check. No matter the circumstances of the actual building. *i.e. Roaches, Crackheads, Dirty lil' Hood Booger kds.
Her place looks like something out of a Martha Stewart Magazine. {does she even have one?}

I had the feelings of when I was younger n me and my siblings all came down for either the weekends or spend the summer with her.

It was definetly hell, when we were younger but looking back. It was definetly worth it.


Have You Noticed that, people who spent alot of time with thier GRandparents or Older Folk in genereal.
Tend to have actual "Common Sense"

I noticed that in most of the people who I know who are good at thier job, or give really good advice, or are just IDK... wiser than their age, have grown up around their elders.

It says alot. I mean when I was younger I used to DRED going to visit G-ma... cause she was miserable.. :\
but now that I'm older I see why she used to act like that and it touches ma heart :]

...Via
G-Ma WiFi.
MacBook.

25.4.09

Is it any wonder why?....

Am I wrong if Iive in the bronx and I buy a pair of Pradas?

Am I wrong if I work at McDonalds and buy designer jeans?

Am I wrong if I chose to use my money, to get material things because I know in the future..Im going to be succesful?

Is it wrong for me to admire the things everybody else has
... and to secretly desire them?

Is it wrong for you to feel bad for your friend because they don't have it like that and you do?

Is it wrong for wanting to be accepted?

Is it wrong to feel strongly for something, others believe to be nonsensical?

.... I just wanted to know.


xxXXxx

16.3.09

A Whole lotta Fuckery...

Man oh man.

This weekend was all kinds of stupid \:

[as you can see I do my smileys like this now >> |: <<>

So if you didn't know, now you do. I was planning on going to this party in Brooklyn.
It was a rented house party. shit was supposed to be live but IF YOU KNOW ME!!
I always seem to fall through with plans. SMH

We ended up linking up with my new "dealer" n hitting up 42nd to watch Madea.

[BTW that movie was the shittest piece of work I never had to pay for.]

Me and my friends were "those people" in the theatre.
[Loud ass People!!]

Any way I went home and it was a good ol' time.

The next day I hit up the boy who had really wanted me to go to the party.
lets call him Bape.

Bape's like : "what happened to you?"
Me: " yea couldn't make it, I woulda got there like 11, 12"
Bape: "ooo wow"

Now lets just say yall know the deal... he likes me I think he's cool lets see if something sparks!!

Me: " we should chill.."
Bape: "yea."
Me: " wanna do it today?"
Bape: "yea imma get ready."

So fastforward
*8;sioahglkajdg;aiur;gobambvbo; w9UR'I0j f;vlxvb 'PH IVRBJKH'GO9FYHJO **

Im in front of Wendy's I go across the street to use the pay phone cause you know me!

No Cellular nonsense for me
I like pay phones.. its like the lottery never know if you might get a dial tone.

after like 30 mins I decide to go outside. He just pops up!.

Bape: "Hey! you didn't see me??"
Me: "...no"

We kicking it outside of Wendy's and he's telling me about the party .. [sounded like mad fun!]
Then he's like let's go inside my friend in there.



____________flatline__________

ummm ? who

Yes his friend.
I was really stumped when we went to sit and his friend was there playing on his kick.

Please, please guys let me know.
Does this make any kind of sense.
I mean I don't ddo this often but theres just something inside of me that knows the difference between right and wrong.

When two people are interested in each other,
and one person proposes a get together of the sorts.
Do you...?

a. Go solo dolo
b. Bring your bestest Buddie along for the third party wagon.
c. Stand 'em up.

if you picked anything besides a..
go to hell.

It was so effin AWKWARD for me. OMG
I have never been so uncomfortable in my life. It was just like I didn't even want to try to seem interested. I was so ...just in AWE.. like

"really man?? awww really? like??....OMG!!"

Then his other friends were in the area and they had a reunion. I was just like...
man... This some ol BULLLSHEET.

smh.

after that I left.. well we went our seperate ways after veeryone kept saying they were gonna leave.

and no one got up to move.

ooo k?

I was just like well at least being alone on the train wont be as wierd as that experience.

But it did turn good.!
I met up with some old friends from Highschool.
and we had a jolly old time ragging on each other.! [:

WELL... w.e. for now I hit him up like..

Me: "y did u bring your friend??
Bape: "ooohh man?? why u didnt tell me u wanted it to be just us???"
Me: .....this aim session has ended due to the other persons pure astonishment of Bape's Naiveness...

More LAtA!!

27.12.08

I might be

Ok... So I'm thinking I might be a lil depressed.

2008 was definetly not a year of happy for aquarius
It was a year of reflection, mourning, and figuering out what is real
and what is a false pretender.

Alot of shit happened this year that realy made me have to grow up mentally.
Emotionally i was a total wreck.

I mean so many things happened that I had to face maturity.

1) i spent my birthday alone at home

2) i lost someone speacial to me, to someone else

3) all my friends evaporated before the graduation day actually ended

4) im not in college.

5) i still havent had a real boyfriend

Like the list goes on.
Yesterday i was feeling like shit because I couldnt understand why i was feeling the way i was feeling. Im as open as i can be but i cant let anyone in. Ive seen too many heartbreals by my peers so seeing that i try to avoid it by not doing what the others do.

But it seems as if that is the only way i should be for me to see any results.

Im stuck in a rut that i dug n its difficult climbing out with out any nails.... :|

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