Anti Matter

11.3.12

you know

when you know that they know

and they know that you know

but you both dont say that you know....

because the first move should be by the other party..

smh that shit is annoying

10.3.12

breast

my breast are getting bigger from the medication.. and my ass isnt -_-

i got a new song uploaded to soundcloud

my names sash toosense lemendoxa

le sigh

im competetive

im late

i fell

i call

im a leech

im a hater

im a tease slut breeze

im heartbroken

i owe him and her and her

i fucked up

im messed up

im now openly bisexual

im a loner

im alone

im a loser

nobody likes me

crazy sexy beautiful.

9.5.10

Dear Mom,
How can so many years of motherhood be summed up in a day? It really can’t. The amount of things you have sacrificed to make sure the life we had as children was all it could be with the little we had. That takes selflessness. I don’t know any other title that can even come close to that of a Mother. The way you always know what is wrong, without me even telling you, the way I can come to you for anything and everything because you are for me 100% without any judgement or agenda. I know I can speak to you and still feel the comfort of a kind ear, and the warmth of a loving heart. Maybe more people should be like Mothers. The nurturing nature, the value of your wisdom, and the importance of making sure that person special in your heart knows that everyday of the week, month, and year. This letter is to my mother, and if you are a mother, daughter, son, grandchild, or grandparent reading this, this letter is intended for you as well. Without out mothers, there would be no you or me. Mom I hope you know the true significance of your existence in this world. The Bible says honor thy mother and father, and a day in a year doesn’t make it any more, or less momentous. To not have that loving as child for those who are orphaned, separated from there parents, or are just on bad terms with their mother, I pray that you find the love through another vessel. If its had and taken for granted, I pray that you see the error of your actions, and realize what you have before it is gone.
It can’t be put in words, even though I have attempted.
To Mom, I Love You.

20.4.10

Nothing Personal

So in time I've come to realize that when a male and a female don't establish from the get go the

premise of the relationship beforehand, it can get complicated, and confusing.

If for instance in the case of a female, when she has no relative interest in the male as far as just

being friends, yet it wasn't interpreted by the male that way, then it can come off as the first stages of a romantic relationship. The male can take it out of context and see it for something its not.

But whose to blame?

Nobody, or both sides?

The signs male and females send can be as clear as day for the individual relaying them, but candlelit to the person reciving. I'm talking about the labels we don't give relationships in the beginning.

In my experience it has occured more often than not, that what really isn't there, can be confused for just that, because acts of kindness, genuine interest, and fondness are misinterpreted for more than what they are

I guess unless you have grown up with that person, thats incomprehendable.

I had to take a step back and see for myself that I was at fault for not being tactful in the beginning stages of getting to know someone, and having that person thinking otherwise.

And its a sad feeling when the one who is let down is someone you care about.

But again, whose to blame? Nobody really. You can't say it isn't a sticky situation when that person vebalizes his/her interest for you, and you don't share the same feelings. It hurts, and if you say it doesn't, "you lying :\"

Especially when you have the understanding that "we're just friends"and interpreting actions to be understood as mutual feelings, then the bomb gets dropped.

When trying to establish a bond for years to come, that support system that so many of us are missing, friendships can become jeopardized if both parties aren't on the same page.

No one enjoys rejection, and its even worse when the rejector was unaware of the feelings the rejectee had, on top of that person being someone special.

When every things said and done, do those feelings ever go away, or are they laying in wait ?

The friendship that emerges out of mutual understanding, and growing to care for each other do those feelings take shape once more within the person?

Platonic male and female relationships are never really free from physical desire, because human nature will one day have you thinking about what that person looks like naked, or what it would be like to be with them.

Even if only for a fleeting second, these thoughts aren't wrong, its just natural.

It seems like as I'm getting older ,and becoming a woman, the relationship vernacular between friends and I will have to change, and affection and admiration will either be seen as 'one love' or 'hot sex on a platter'

If there aren't any boundaries, and for lack of a better word, 'labels' to established roles in friendships, can things that go unsaid cause damage that cannot be undone?

Communication is key, and I have to get Bilingual in my case. Both verbal and physical.

Actions speak louder than words, but words get to the point.